Tips From A Divorce Attorney: What You Need To Know Before You File

Essential Divorce Insights: A Legal Expert's Guide to Navigating Your Split Successfully

This 25 minute conversation is a great first step in preparing for divorce attorney consulations!

I recently sat down with Virginia family law attorney Sharie Reyes Albers of Virginia Family Law Center  and let me tell you—this conversation was absolutely eye-opening. We dove deep into the practical, legal, and emotional stuff that everyone facing divorce needs to know, and Sharie shared some insights that honestly blew my mind.

Whether you're just starting to question your marriage or you're already in the thick of divorce proceedings, what we talked about could save you serious time, money, and heartache. I'm sharing the biggest takeaways here because this information is too good not to pass along.

Subscribe to The Divorce Planner's newsletter and get divorce prep tips and tools delivered right to your inbox! 

When Should You Actually Talk to a Divorce Attorney?

Here's what might surprise you: way earlier than you think.

"I think as soon as you start considering a divorce, you have questions about where your relationship is going, do schedule that consultation with a lawyer," Sharie told me. "Even though you might not go down that path, family law is not always intuitive—you might think it's going to go one way or your rights might be impacted another way."

Look, I see this all the time with my clients. They wait until they're absolutely sure about divorce, but by then they've missed opportunities to protect themselves or understand their options. This early consultation is like insurance—you hope you never need it, but if you do, you'll be so glad you have it.

Making Your Attorney Consultation Actually Worth It

Not all attorney consultations are the same. Some offer free 15-minute calls, others start the meter running immediately. Here's how to make sure you get the most bang for your buck:

Ask the right questions about their practice:

• How do they bill? What are their hourly rates?

• What other costs should you expect? (Trust me, there are always other costs)

• How quickly do they respond when you need them?

• Can you actually reach them when urgent stuff comes up?

• 
  

Pay attention to how they communicate with you: Do they really listen to your specific situation, or do you feel like just another case file? A good attorney will ask about your priorities and help you set realistic expectations. The questions they ask YOU during the consultation tell you everything about whether they're truly paying attention.

Let's Talk Money: What Divorce Actually Costs

I'm going to give it to you straight—divorce is expensive. The average cost of an amicable divorce in the United States is between $15,000 and $20,000 when both people hire attorneys and the case might go to court. Mediation can cost less, but you should still prepare financially for a significant investment.

This is exactly why I'm always telling my clients to get crystal clear on their financial picture before they start this process. You can't make smart decisions about your future if you don't know what you're working with.

Fault vs. No-Fault States: This Matters More Than You Think

One thing Sharie explained is how much your state's divorce laws impact everything. You need to know whether you live in a fault or no-fault state because it completely changes your timeline and strategy.

No-fault states (like California) usually require couples to cite "irreconcilable differences" and often have mandatory separation periods. You're basically saying "we can't work it out" and waiting it out.

Fault states (like Virginia) let you file immediately in cases like adultery, and here's the kicker—fault can impact property division, custody arrangements, and spousal support.

"If someone commits adultery, you can immediately go to the courthouse and file for divorce," Sharie explained about Virginia's laws. "And that weighs into things like custody, how property is going to be split up, and it weighs into spousal support."

Take a few minutes to research your state's specific laws. Seriously. This knowledge will help you plan and avoid getting blindsided later.

The Three Biggest Divorce Mistakes (Don't Be That Person)

After years of practicing family law, Sharie has seen it all. Here are the three mistakes that can absolutely wreck your case:

1. Not Understanding Your Money Situation

This is the #1 mistake, and it costs people big time. Even if you weren't the one handling finances in your marriage, you need to start gathering information right now:

• Tax returns (start here—they're like a roadmap to everything else)

• Bank account statements

• Investment accounts

• Retirement funds

• Insurance policies

• Debt obligations

  
  

If you're dealing with financial abuse and can't access documents, here's some good news: once divorce is filed, the discovery process can force your spouse to hand over financial information. But the more you can gather beforehand, the better position you'll be in.

2. Sending Emotional Texts and Emails

"Don't send those emotional texts or emails—we use that as evidence," Sharie warned me. Every angry text, vindictive email, or harsh voicemail can be used against you in court.

I get it. You're furious, hurt, and you want them to know it. But channel those emotions somewhere else:

• Therapy sessions

• Support groups

• Letters you write but never send

• Conversations with trusted friends

Save all legal communication for your attorney and keep it factual, not emotional. Your future self will thank you.

3. Using Your Kids as Weapons

This one makes me so sad because I see it way too often. When you're angry at your ex, it's tempting to prevent them from seeing the kids. But this behavior sets a terrible precedent for custody, can hurt your case in court, and—most importantly—damages your children.

Remember: divorce is adult business, but your kids don't get to choose their experience. Model the behavior you want to see and prioritize their relationship with both parents, even when it's hard.

Special Situations That Need Extra Attention

If You're Dealing with Financial Abuse

Here's what Sharie told me that I didn't know: if you're dealing with financial abuse, you'll likely need to file for divorce to access the discovery process that forces financial disclosure. Virginia and many other states also have "pendente lite" motions that can help you get attorney's fees during the process.

This was huge for me to learn because so many of my clients are in this exact situation.

When to Fire Your Attorney

Trust your gut. If you have concerns about your attorney's communication, how much attention they're giving your case, or their overall approach, address it sooner rather than later. Sharie recommends switching at least four months before any trial date so your new attorney has time to get up to speed.

Your attorney works for you, not the other way around.

High-Asset or Complicated Financial Situations

If you're dealing with significant assets, businesses, or complex financial stuff, expect to work with additional experts like forensic accountants or QDRO specialists for retirement account divisions. Yes, this costs more money, but trying to handle complex assets without experts usually costs more in the long run.

Why Women File for Divorce 70-80% of the Time

This statistic always fascinates me. From Sharie's observation: "I think women in relationships tend to be like, okay, I've met my breaking point. I've tried, I'm done. This is

kind of the process of saying okay, I'm gonna put this behind me."

Here's the key insight: by the time someone files for divorce, it's usually the last step in a really long process, not the first. Most people spend years trying to save their marriage before they reach the decision to file.

If you're reading this and you're in that place of trying everything, know that whatever you decide is okay. You get to choose what's right for your life.

How to Prepare Like You Mean It

The clients who get the best outcomes come to their attorney with:

• A clear timeline of important events and decisions

• Organized documents (financial statements, property records, any existing legal orders)

• Key dates noted, especially when you acquired assets (before or during marriage matters)

• Realistic goals and priorities clearly defined

• Questions prepared to maximize consultation time

This preparation doesn't just help your attorney serve you better—it often reduces your legal costs because you're using your attorney's time more efficiently. And who doesn't want to save money on legal fees?

The Real Talk Bottom Line

Look, divorce is one of life's most challenging experiences. I'm not going to sugarcoat that. But being informed and prepared can dramatically improve your outcome, and that's something you can control.

Whether you're just starting to have doubts about your marriage or you're already deep in divorce proceedings, education is your most powerful tool. Knowledge gives you confidence, and confidence helps you make better decisions.

Here's what I want you to remember:

• Talk to an attorney early, even if you're just considering divorce

• Learn your state's specific laws and requirements

• Start organizing your financial information right now

• Keep all communication factual and professional

• Put your children's wellbeing above your anger

• Trust your instincts about your legal representation

  
  

Take Action Today

If you're in the early stages of considering divorce, don't wait. Start educating yourself now. Download my free resource "24 Questions to Ask a Divorce Attorney" to help you make the most of your consultation time, and begin getting your financial documents organized.

The preparation you do today will make everything easier down the road.

This conversation contains general information and should not be considered legal advice. Laws vary by state, and every situation is unique. Always consult with a qualified family law attorney in your jurisdiction for advice specific to your circumstances.