When you're catastrophizing or spiraling about divorce, Martin Seligman's framework can help you think clearly instead of panicking. Spiraling is good for stairs, not so much for people. Divorce brings up catastrophic thinking. What if I can't afford to live on my own? What if my kids never forgive me? What if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life? What if I end up alone forever? Therapists call this pattern "catastrophizing," assuming the absolute worst in any situation,

Know these two numbers before you sit down to negotiate and you'll never have to worry you missed something. Understanding your numbers pre and post divorce are critical for being smart during negotiations. When people come to me before divorce negotiations, I ask them one question first: Do you know what your marriage actually costs? Most don’t. And that’s the single most expensive mistake you can make before sitting across from your spouse at a negotiating table. Here’s wha

Quiet Quitting Your Marriage Isn't a Solution, It's a Signal I originally published this post in December 2025, and it's become the most-read post on my entire site. Why? Because thousands of you are living this exact experience right now—you've already left the marriage in your head, but you haven't told anyone yet. If that's you, know you're not alone. I hope the post gives you insights into where you are, and inspires you to follow the actions listed below to help you nav

What a Forensic Accountant Revealed About Finding Hidden Money, Red Flags to Watch For, and When It's Worth Hiring One Finding hidden assets can be a full-time job. You have a suspicion. Something doesn't add up. Your spouse controls all the finances, and you're starting to wonder if there's money you don't know about. Maybe it's the lifestyle that doesn't match the reported income. Maybe it's the sudden "business losses" while you're still living in a beautiful home and taki

Emotional, Financial, Administrative & Practical: The Complete System to Prepare Strategically Each of the four pillars supports the other. When people ask me "Where do I even start with divorce?" I tell them the same thing every time: You start by understanding that divorce preparation isn't just one thing. It's four things. Most people think preparing for divorce means hiring a lawyer and gathering financial documents. And yes, those things matter. But if that's all you foc

If you're married to someone in the military and considering divorce, you're navigating a process that's already hard—but with additional layers of complexity that civilian divorces don't have. Federal laws. Deployment schedules. Benefits tied to length of service. Rules that vary depending on whether you're dealing with active duty, reserves, or retirement. And everyone keeps mentioning something called the "20/20/20 rule" but nobody's explaining what it actually means or wh

When you're considering divorce but have zero access to financial information because your spouse manages everything, the whole idea of leaving can feel impossible. How are you supposed to negotiate a settlement when you don't even know what accounts exist? How do you plan for your future when you literally have no idea what you have I hear this exact fear almost every day from people who reach out to me. You're definitely not alone in feeling completely in the dark about you

One of the first questions people ask me when they're thinking about divorce is: "How do I find a good lawyer?" Not just any lawyer. A good one. Someone who's experienced, reasonable, won't drain your bank account unnecessarily, and actually gets what you're going through. It's one of the most important decisions you'll make during this process—and one of the most overwhelming. Because how are you supposed to evaluate something you've never done before? How do you know if som

I Feel Sneaky Preparing for Divorce Without Telling My Spouse—Is This Normal? Let's talk about the feeling nobody warns you about when you're preparing for divorce before sharing the news with your spouse: the guilt. You 're quietly gathering statements and documents that pertain to your married life. You're researching family law attorneys, brushed up on the divorce laws in your state and Googled "How to prepare for divorce". And the whole time, there's this voice in your he

How One Simple Exercise Helped Me Navigate Divorce — and How It Can Help You Too If you're going through a divorce right now, your to-do list probably looks something like this: find an attorney, gather financial documents, figure out the custody situation, try not to fall apart. Writing a letter to yourself is probably not on that list. It should be. I spend a lot of time talking about spreadsheets, financial disclosures, and getting organized before you ever set foot in an

The decision-making framework I created during my own divorce — and now use with every single client — to help you stop making choices from fear and start making them from strategy. Divorce is chess, not checkers. Every move you make has consequences that ripple out for years — so make them count. When I was going through my own divorce, I was completely overwhelmed by the sheer number of decisions I had to make. Big ones, small ones, financial ones, emotional ones—they just

By Alex Beattie | The Divorce Planner If you've ever Googled "where do I even start with divorce," you're not alone. Most people enter the process completely unprepared — and they pay for it. Not just emotionally, but financially, in real attorney fees for questions they could have answered themselves. A divorce preparation toolkit is exactly what it sounds like: a system that helps you organize your documents, understand your finances, clarify your goals, and walk into every

Tax season is here — and if divorce is on your radar, that refund isn't just a windfall. It's a strategic opportunity. Your tax refund isn't just a check. It's a head start. Let's talk about something nobody brings up during tax season: what to do with your refund when your marriage is on shaky ground. Most people get their check and either spend it, save it, or put it toward something that feels immediately satisfying. I get it. But if divorce is something you're actively co

Should You Keep the House After Divorce? What You Need to Know Before You Decide Keeping the family home after divorce is a huge expense. Are you sure you can afford it? Whether you're in an apartment, condo, townhouse, or single-family house, the idea of leaving your family home after divorce can feel overwhelming and scary. Maybe your life is firmly rooted in the area, or your kids go to school nearby, or your job is close by—whatever the reason is, you want to stay put. If

What to do when you're still legally married but emotionally — you checked out a long time ago. You're still wearing the ring. But you already left. "You've probably seen the phrase ' quiet quitting your marriage ' floating around since The Cut published their piece on it last November. And while that article named something real — women emotionally withdrawing from marriages that stopped working — I want to talk about what's actually happening underneath that phrase. Becaus

Watch the full conversation above, then read on for the essential strategies that will help you create a co-parenting agreement that protects your children's future. Creating a parenting plan is one of the most emotionally difficult parts of divorce. No parent starts a family thinking, "I'm only going to have my kids for a certain percentage of the time." But here's the thing—a well-crafted parenting plan can save you thousands in legal fees, protect your relationship with yo

Take Control of Your Divorce Journey: Navigating the Uncertainty January—often referred to as "Divorce Month"—has just passed. I know many of you might be thinking: "Everyone else who was considering divorce in January has made a decision by now. Why can't I just decide?" Let me be clear: If you're not ready to decide, you're not behind. You're not late. You're exactly where you need to be. Subscribe to The Divorce Planner's newsletter and get divorce prep tips and tools del

Here's a statistic that should stop you in your tracks: What happens when she earns more but still does more at home? The divorce rate triples. Female breadwinners represent just 16% of all married households—but account for 42% of divorces. Let that sink in for a second. Women who earn more than their husbands are nearly three times more likely to get divorced than couples where the man earns more. And if she's the sole breadwinner? The divorce rate is more than double. I se

If you're reading this, you've probably been Googling divorce questions at 2 a.m., trying to figure out what you're supposed to do next. You're not alone. Millions of people search for divorce information every single month. And the questions they're asking? They're probably the same ones you have. So let's cut through the legal-speak and get to the nitty gritty about what you really need to know from the top 10 divorce searches. Subscribe to The Divorce Planner newsletter a

Let's be honest: choosing a divorce attorney is one of the most important decisions you'll make during this process. And it's also one of the most intimidating. You're supposed to interview them like you're hiring for a job, but you're doing it while you're stressed, overwhelmed, and probably have no idea what you're even looking for. I get it. I've been there. So let me walk you through exactly how to choose an attorney who's the right fit—not just for your case, but for you

What exactly is"divorce curious"? That's the stage when you first realize your marriage could end in divorce. After years of saying "I would never divorce" or "if you leave me I'm coming with you" suddenly it dawns on you that divorce could be an option. Maybe it's been building for years. Maybe something recently shifted. Either way, you're in that uncomfortable in-between place where you know things aren't working, but you don't know what to do about it. Here's what I want

AI has definitely changed the world, whether for the better is yet to be seen. AI versus human, what's better? There are so many pros and cons to using it including environmental concerns, accuracy, extreme bias and the erosion of work for actual humans. Full transparency, AI is definitely my biggest competition. And I know this for a fact because my website has AI platform tracking capability, and it constantly shows me that ChatGPT and other platforms are pulling my informa

Made it through another holiday season thinking “I can’t do this one more year”? You’re not alone. Divorce attorneys see a 33% increase in January. January has a hidden nickname in the legal world: Divorce Month. Why January Is Called “Divorce Month” Family law attorneys brace for a surge of calls starting the first week of January. Divorce-related Google searches skyrocket. And by March, divorce filings hit their annual peak. But is January really when most people divorce?

How to Co-Parent with a High-Conflict Ex: Strategies That Actually Work If you're co-parenting with someone who's high-conflict or toxic, you know how exhausting it is. You're juggling custody schedules, managing big emotions, and trying not to fall into old patterns that kept you stuck for so long. I sat down with certified divorce coach Leah Marie Mazur to talk about what actually works when you're dealing with a narcissistic, manipulative, or just flat-out difficult co-par