What happens when you skip the reflection, and how to do it right. Self reflection during and after divorce isn't easy, but is essential to rebuild your best life. We've all seen it: someone gets divorced, and within weeks they're in a new relationship. Sometimes it's genuine connection. Sometimes it's escape. What's the difference between the two? Intention. When you skip the reflection phase of divorce, you're more likely to make choices from a place of loneliness, relief,

When you're catastrophizing or spiraling about divorce, Martin Seligman's framework can help you think clearly instead of panicking. Spiraling is good for stairs, not so much for people. Divorce brings up catastrophic thinking. What if I can't afford to live on my own? What if my kids never forgive me? What if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life? What if I end up alone forever? Therapists call this pattern "catastrophizing," assuming the absolute worst in any situation,

How One Simple Exercise Helped Me Navigate Divorce — and How It Can Help You Too If you're going through a divorce right now, your to-do list probably looks something like this: find an attorney, gather financial documents, figure out the custody situation, try not to fall apart. Writing a letter to yourself is probably not on that list. It should be. I spend a lot of time talking about spreadsheets, financial disclosures, and getting organized before you ever set foot in an

What's Actually Happening in Your Brain During Divorce—and How to Fix It You're not imagining it. The brain fog, the inability to focus, the way you keep replaying painful conversations on an endless loop—there's actual neuroscience behind what you're experiencing during divorce. I sat down with neuroscientist Dr. Nicole A. Tetreault to understand exactly what's happening in our brains during one of life's most stressful transitions. What she shared wasn't just fascinating—i

If you’re heading into the holiday season while navigating divorce or separation, this time of year can feel anything but merry. That mix of gratitude and complete overwhelm? Totally normal. Dread and anxiety? Yup, normal. The holidays during or after divorce feel different. But here’s what I want you to know: different doesn’t have to mean bad. Subscribe to The Divorce Planner weekly newsletter and get divorce prep tips and tools delivered right to your inbox! Whether it’s T

"Some days I feel strong. Other days, I don't know who I am anymore." Who you get to be after divorce is up to YOU. This is one of the most common things I hear from clients—and it takes me right back to my own divorce. The hardest part wasn't just losing the relationship. It was losing me in the version of "we" that I had been living for years: the routines, the role of being a wife, the role of being a mother, being in "just trying to survive" mode, and having no idea who I

How treating yourself with kindness becomes your most powerful tool for navigating divorce with clarity and strength Treat yourself with the same compassion you would give to your best friend. When people talk about protecting your energy during divorce, they often suggest rest, long walks, or bubble baths. And while those things help, they don't go deep enough. Because the biggest energy drain isn't always your ex, your lawyer, or your to-do list -- it's your inner critic. Y

There's no better feeling that knowing you can trust your gut. When clients first reach out to me, they usually start with some version of this: "I don't know if I should get divorced. How do I figure out if it's the right decision?" But here's what I've learned after coaching hundreds of people through this exact question—deep down, they already know. They're not really asking me to help them decide. They're asking for permission to trust what they already feel. This hit me

Why Your Marriage Ending Might Be Your Best Life Beginning Your next chapter gets to be written by YOU. When you're facing divorce after 45, it feels like everything is falling apart. The life you built, the future you planned, the person you thought you were—suddenly none of it makes sense anymore. I hear this from clients all the time: "I should be grateful for what I have, so why do I feel so empty?" Here's what I want you to consider: what if this is your moment to finall

When you're going through divorce, it's not just your living situation that's changing—your entire relationship with yourself is being tested. I've been there, and I know how easy it is to become your own worst critic during this time. "I should have seen the signs," "I'm a failure," "I'm not good enough," "I've ruined everything"—sound familiar? Self-compassion during divorce isn't a luxury—it's the foundation that helps you make clearer decisions, heal faster, and build res