Female breadwinners are 42% of divorces. Here's what's really driving it and what to do if you're one of them. Female breadwinners represent just 16% of all married households, but account for 42% of divorces. Let that sink in for a second. Women who earn more than their husbands are nearly three times more likely to get divorced than couples where the man earns more. And if she's the sole breadwinner? The divorce rate is more than double. I see this pattern all the time with

Before you make any decisions, start here. Thoughtful consideration is the key to making a decision that you'll feel good about. I originally published this post in 2023 and it remains one of the most-read pieces on this site, because these are the questions that actually matter before you make any decisions about divorce. I've updated it with new resources and tools. If you're at the beginning of this process, you're in the right place. By the time the idea of divorce has en

What happens when you skip the reflection, and how to do it right. Self reflection during and after divorce isn't easy, but is essential to rebuild your best life. We've all seen it: someone gets divorced, and within weeks they're in a new relationship. Sometimes it's genuine connection. Sometimes it's escape. What's the difference between the two? Intention. When you skip the reflection phase of divorce, you're more likely to make choices from a place of loneliness, relief,

When you're catastrophizing or spiraling about divorce, Martin Seligman's framework can help you think clearly instead of panicking. Spiraling is good for stairs, not so much for people. Divorce brings up catastrophic thinking. What if I can't afford to live on my own? What if my kids never forgive me? What if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life? What if I end up alone forever? Therapists call this pattern "catastrophizing," assuming the absolute worst in any situation,

Quiet Quitting Your Marriage Isn't a Solution, It's a Signal I originally published this post in December 2025, and it's become the most-read post on my entire site. Why? Because thousands of you are living this exact experience right now—you've already left the marriage in your head, but you haven't told anyone yet. If that's you, know you're not alone. I hope the post gives you insights into where you are, and inspires you to follow the actions listed below to help you nav

I Feel Sneaky Preparing for Divorce Without Telling My Spouse—Is This Normal? Let's talk about the feeling nobody warns you about when you're preparing for divorce before sharing the news with your spouse: the guilt. You're quietly gathering statements and documents that pertain to your married life. You're researching family law attorneys, brushed up on the divorce laws in your state and Googled "How to prepare for divorce". And the whole time, there's this voice in your hea

If you've ever Googled "where do I even start with divorce," you're not alone. Most people enter the process completely unprepared — and they pay for it. Not just emotionally, but financially, in real attorney fees for questions they could have answered themselves. A divorce preparation toolkit is exactly what it sounds like: a system that helps you organize your documents, understand your finances, clarify your goals, and walk into every legal consultation ready to get to wo

What to do when you're still legally married but emotionally — you checked out a long time ago. You're still wearing the ring. But you already left. "You've probably seen the phrase ' quiet quitting your marriage ' floating around since The Cut published their piece on it last November. And while that article named something real — women emotionally withdrawing from marriages that stopped working — I want to talk about what's actually happening underneath that phrase. Becaus

Take Control of Your Divorce Journey: Navigating the Uncertainty January—often referred to as "Divorce Month"—has just passed. I know many of you might be thinking: "Everyone else who was considering divorce in January has made a decision by now. Why can't I just decide?" Let me be clear: If you're not ready to decide, you're not behind. You're not late. You're exactly where you need to be. Subscribe to The Divorce Planner's newsletter and get divorce prep tips and tools del

What exactly is"divorce curious"? That's the stage when you first realize your marriage could end in divorce. After years of saying "I would never divorce" or "if you leave me I'm coming with you" suddenly it dawns on you that divorce could be an option. Maybe it's been building for years. Maybe something recently shifted. Either way, you're in that uncomfortable in-between place where you know things aren't working, but you don't know what to do about it. Here's what I want