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How to Build a Parenting Plan That Actually Works: Expert Strategies from Family Law Attorney Morgan Given
- Alex Beattie
- 2 days ago
- 9 min read
Creating a parenting plan is one of the most emotionally difficult parts of divorce.
No parent starts a family thinking, "I'm only going to have my kids for a certain percentage of the time." But here's the thing—a well-crafted parenting plan can save you thousands in legal fees, protect your relationship with your kids, and prevent conflicts before they even start.
I sat down with Morgan Given, a Chicago-based family law attorney with over a decade of experience, to talk about what actually makes a parenting plan work. And she shared so many important things to consider when building your parenting plan.
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Why Most Parenting Plans Fall Apart
Here's what I see all the time: parents get stuck on labels. "I want 50/50 custody." "I want joint custody." "I want 85/15."
But those labels don't actually tell you anything about how your life is going to work.
Morgan put it perfectly: "Don't be wedded to the label. I really encourage people to think about, well, what is the actual schedule that you're proposing? Don't tell me 50/50. Tell me, I think the kids Monday, Tuesday should be here. Wednesday, Thursday should be here."
Because here's the reality: percentages don't pick up your kids from soccer practice.
Schedules do. And the more specific you get about those schedules, the less room there is for conflict down the road.
The Two Components Every Parenting Plan Needs
Morgan breaks parenting plans into two essential parts:
1. Parenting Time: Where do the kids actually stay? What is the schedule?
2. Decision-Making Authority: How do you make important decisions for your children?
In most states, decision-making breaks down into four categories: religion, extracurriculars, medical decisions, and educational decisions.
Your parenting plan needs to address both components clearly. And then you layer on the details—holidays, vacation time, travel, communication protocols, and all the "what ifs" you can anticipate.
Critical Elements Most Parenting Plans Overlook
Morgan shared some of the most commonly overlooked details that lead to conflicts later:
Deadlines for School Enrollment
"Include a deadline for the parents to exchange information about what school they want the kids to go to and then have a provision that says if there's no agreement by this date, maybe the parties mediate."
Without this, you're scrambling to court one month before school starts, and the judge is frustrated that nothing has been done.
Summer Camp Registration Deadlines
Summer camps fill up fast. Morgan recommends including a deadline like February 1st or March 1st for parents to agree on and register for camps. This prevents last-minute scrambling and gives kids access to the programs they want.
Specific Times for Holidays
"I see so many times it says holiday Christmas is dad and even years. Well, what is Christmas? When does this start?"
You need specific times. Not "Christmas" but "December 24th at 3pm through December 25th at 6pm."
International Travel and Passports
If your kids don't have passports yet, include language about how they get the passports, both parents agreeing to fill out the forms, who holds the passports, and what consent is required before international travel.
Morgan has litigated passport issues multiple times. It'll cost you more time and money if you don't get detailed about it now.
Language That Prevents Future Conflicts
Morgan pointed out several pieces of language that can save you headaches:
Response Deadlines = Automatic Consent
This one is gold.
"If someone sends a message requesting information or asking for consent to do something like to enroll the kids in basketball or change the child's dentist and the other parent does not respond within a set amount of time like 48 hours or 72 hours, then that is deemed consent."
If your co-parent is someone who ignores messages or drags their feet, this language allows you to move forward with your life.
Right of First Refusal (But Make It Reasonable)
Morgan sees problems when right of first refusal is too short—like one hour."Anytime someone's not available for one hour, they need to tell the other parent. It just leads to so much micromanagement and conflict."
She prefers 12 hours or an overnight. It needs to be specific for your family, but keep it reasonable.
Be Careful with "Makeup Time"
Morgan cautioned about putting in makeup time provisions unless they're really explicitly outlined as to how they work because it can just cause more problems. If you include makeup time, specify exactly how it works. When does it occur? How do you schedule it? What happens if you don't agree?
Tiebreaker Language for Holidays and Vacations
"If winter break is divided in half, who gets that extra day? Even odd."
For summer vacation: "Even years, mom gets first pick. Odd years, dad gets first pick."
This eliminates arguments before they start.
How to Address Alcohol and Substance Abuse in Your Parenting Plan
This can be a very big elephant in the (mediation) room. But if there's an issue, you need to address it head-on. Consider including these points in your parenting plan:
Prohibition on Use During Parenting Time - Include language that says no drinking during parenting time AND for 12 hours before parenting time (so they're not drinking an hour before pickup).
At-Home Breathalyzers (Soberlink) - When there's a demonstrated problem, you can require breathalyzer testing. This is often for a set time period (like the first six months), not forever.
PETH Test
A PETH test is able to analyze the last 2 to 4 weeks of someone's drinking history.
Consequences for Violations - If they blow positive, what happens? No parenting time that day? Supervised parenting time for a period? Required treatment program with proof of attendance? Be specific about consequences.
Being as specific as possible is going to put you in a position to avoid issues down the line. Even in the most amicable of divorces, memories fade over time, things come up, tensions arise.
Having to revisit anything is like poking a bear.
Setting Up Communication Boundaries That Actually Work
How you communicate with your co-parent needs to be in your parenting plan. This is especially important if you're in a high-conflict co-parenting dynamic. Getting granular about how you'll communicate and where you'll communicate gives a clear protocol for everyone to follow, and something to point to if one parent creates any drama.
To avoid having that happen, do this:
Specify the Method - Here's an example: "The parents will communicate via text or email, but in the event of an emergency, they will pick up the phone and call one another." Clear. Simple. No room for interpretation.
Use a Co-Parenting App - Court-approved apps like Our Family Wizard or Talking Parents help you keep a record of all communications, helpful calendar function, can share finances, and organizes information by topic (extracurriculars, summer camp, medical).
The ChatGPT Hack for High-Conflict Communication - Using AI programs like Chat GPT to help draft a response to your co-parent that is triggering is a great way to give yourself a beat to consider things instead of just firing off a reactive response. Remember to give the program specific prompts when requesting a draft of a possible response.
You're not going to copy and paste unedited, but it can help you formulate a draft of a response nd gives you a moment to process emotions before hitting 'send'.
What to Do When Your Ex Isn't Following the Plan
Things like this come up all the time: "The parenting plan says my ex gets one weekend a month, but he's not taking our daughter. What do I do?"
Here's something that can be really difficult to hear: You can't force someone to exercise parenting time.
And let's be honest, you probably don't want to do that if someone doesn't want to be involved. Think about it—do you really want to make someone take your child when they're showing you through their actions that they're not interested?
What you can do is document everything. Reach out to your ex. Encourage them to take their parenting time. You don't have to do it every single month, but make sure you're documenting that you tried. Send a text. Send an email. Keep a record.
And here's something else to keep track of: if your support amounts are based on parenting time and your ex isn't taking their time, you're going to want to address that down the road.
Because you have the child more than was agreed to—which means you're shouldering more of the financial responsibility than the original agreement reflected.
Building Flexibility into Your Parenting Plan
Your kids are growing. Their needs will change. Your schedules will change. So how do you build a plan that can adapt without having to go back to court every time something shifts?
Start by including "what if" scenarios in your parenting plan. Anticipate the challenges you can see coming. What happens when it's time to enroll in middle school or high school? What if one parent needs to relocate for work? What if your work schedules change significantly?
Morgan suggests including language that addresses these possibilities upfront: "There is permission that someone can move. This is where they can go and if and when they do, the schedule is going to be X. Or the parents will revisit and come up with a new schedule at that time." You're building in flexibility before you need it.
Another strategy Morgan recommends is scheduling regular check-ins. "Include in the plan that on a yearly basis, you're going to sit down, revisit things, look at the children's schedule, look at both of your schedules, see what may need to be adjusted." This creates space for adjustment without needing to go back to court every time your five-year-old becomes a teenager with a completely different schedule.
And here's something important to remember: you can always agree to adjust things day-to-day with your co-parent. Morgan put it this way: "You do need to recognize that you can always adjust things day-to-day with your co-parent by agreement. Obviously, that's the goal, and we all hope that you can just shove this allocation judgment in a drawer and figure things out on your own."
The plan is your safety net—not your daily script. When things are going well, you're figuring it out together. When things fall apart, you have something concrete to fall back on.
How to Prepare Before Meeting with Your Attorney
This is something I work with clients on -- from parenting plan points to document organization, financial planning to emotional support -- all of this empowers them to go into attorney consultations already prepared helps you drive the process instead of being reactive to it.
Here's how to show up prepared so you get the most out of your consultation and save yourself money in billable hours.
First, create a four-quadrant outline. Take a piece of paper, draw a line horizontally and vertically to create four sections, and label them: Religion, Extracurriculars, Medical, and Educational. Under each section, write out your thoughts on how decisions should be made. This forces you to think through the decision-making component of your parenting plan before you're sitting in your attorney's office trying to figure it out on the spot.
Second, map out your proposed schedule in actual days and times. Don't say "50/50" or "I want custody." Get specific. Monday and Tuesday the kids are with me. Wednesday and Thursday the kids are with their other parent. Friday alternates. Think about your work schedule, your ex's work schedule, the kids' current activities and school schedule, and the historical time each parent has spent with the kids. All of that matters.
Third, list your priorities. What actually matters most to you? Is it stability for the kids? Maintaining their current school and activities? Proximity to extended family? Your ability to maintain your career? When you're clear on your priorities, you can evaluate whether a proposed plan actually serves what matters to you—or if you're just agreeing to something because you're tired and want it to be over.
A comprehensive parenting plan anticipates challenges before they arise. It's not about being pessimistic or expecting the worst. It's about being prepared.
Morgan's expertise made it crystal clear: the more specific you are now, the less you'll fight later. And that's better for you, better for your co-parent, and most importantly—better for your kids.
Because even in the most amicable divorces, memories fade. Tensions can arise. Communication can break down. And when you have specific, detailed language in your parenting plan, you have a roadmap to follow instead of fighting about what was "agreed to" years ago.
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About The Author
Alex Beattie is a divorce preparation expert and founder of The Divorce Planner, where she's helped thousands of people across the U.S. and Canada prepare strategically for divorce. After navigating her own divorce, Alex combined her personal experience with her skills as a TV and film producer to create systematic preparation methods that save people time, money, and stress during one of life's most challenging transitions. Alex's work in this field has been featured in The New York Times, Real Simple, and Parents Magazine. She's the host of The Divorce Planner Podcast and author of the upcoming book "The Divorce Planner: Your 8-Week Divorce Prep Guide" (Jossey-Bass/Wiley, January 2027). Learn more about working with Alex or book a free 15-minute consultation.
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