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One of the hardest things about going through a divorce is feeling out of control -- Control over your future, control over the outcome of your divorce, control over how the world sees you, and control over how you see yourself.
When I was going through a really deep and dark time of grieving and healing, a friend shared with me what has become a favorite meditation episode by Sarah Blondin from her Live Awake podcast entitled Learning To Surrender. It's a quick eight minute audio that has been a source of grounding, strength and joy for me -- which is remarkable considering all the chatter that usually abounds in my head.
Finding ways to quiet the mind and focus on acceptance, healing, and growth during challenging times is one of the best ways to fully and truly feel empowered. Yes, giving into the unknown and finding comfort in the present moment is a secret weapon to put you in the position to not only survive, but thrive.
Surrendering doesn't signify defeat; rather, it's an intentional choice to let go of the struggle to control every aspect of our lives, allowing us to embrace what is and open ourselves to healing and growth.
Here are some ways you can activate the process of surrender:
1. Acknowledge What You Can't Control
Divorce, like many of life's challenges, includes aspects beyond our control. Acknowledging this can significantly reduce the anxiety and stress that comes from trying to manage every detail of the process.
2. Build Gratitude and Resilience
Start a gratitude journal. Even in trying times, jotting down small things for which you're grateful each day can shift your focus from loss to appreciation, building your emotional resilience. It's so important to exercise this muscle, which is why there is a gratitude journal included in the Ultimate Separation & Divorce Prep Bundle.
3. Accept All Parts of Yourself
Embrace both your strengths and your vulnerabilities. Accepting your whole self, including the "shadow" parts you might not be proud of, is essential for healing. Acknowledge your emotions—anger, sadness, relief—and allow yourself to feel them without judgment.
4. Prioritize Self-Care
Commit to activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Whether it’s regular exercise, meditation, joining a support group, working with a coach, or seeking therapy, these acts of self-care support your journey of surrender.
Check out more self-care actions you can take during divorce on the blog under Divorce & Self-Care.
5. Setting Intentions
Rather than trying to script the details of your future, set broad intentions for how you want to feel and who you want to be post-divorce. This can guide your decisions and actions without the pressure of controlling every outcome.
BONUS LISTEN! You can find more ways to set goals and intentions during divorce on this episode of the Divorce & Beyond Podcast entitled Why Focusing On Your Future Is Important During Divorce.
6. Focusing on the Present
Ground yourself in the present moment. When worries about the future or regrets about the past take over, gently bring your attention back to the here and now. Mindfulness practices and meditation can aid in this.
Surrender As a Path to Healing
Surrendering is about trusting the process and recognizing that life is unfolding in the way it's meant to, even if it's not apparent in the moment. It's a powerful stance that converts the fear of the unknown into an open-hearted journey of discovery.
For those undergoing divorce, embracing surrender does not mean you ignore the logistical or financial aspects that need attention. On the The Divorce Planner blog, we provide ample resources for managing the practical side of divorce. Instead, focusing on surrendering is about taking care of your emotional well-being, ensuring you emerge from this transitional period more resilient and open to the new beginnings that await.
Remember that surrender is not about giving up but finding strength in the flow of life. It's about acknowledging that some things are beyond our control, and that is perfectly okay. By focusing on what you can control, practicing gratitude, and accepting yourself wholly, you can start to move through your divorce with a sense of peace, clarity, and hope for the future.
You can listen to the meditation podcast by Sarah Blondin below.