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Should I Get Divorced? What to Do When You Can't Decide
- Alex Beattie
- 1 day ago
- 5 min read
Updated: 22 minutes ago
January—also known as "Divorce Month"—just flew by, and I know some of you are thinking: "Everyone else who was considering divorce in January has made a decision by now. Why can't I just decide?"
Let me tell you something clearly: If you're not ready to decide, you're not behind.
You're not late. You're exactly where you need to be.
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The Pressure to Decide
There's this cultural narrative that divorce should be a clean, decisive moment. You wake up one day, you know, and you act.
But that's not how it works for most people.
Most people sit in the uncertainty for weeks, months, sometimes years. They go back and forth. They feel clear one day and confused the next. They're terrified of making the wrong choice—whether that's staying or leaving.
And then they beat themselves up for not being able to decide.
Here's what I want you to understand: indecision isn't failure. Sometimes indecision is your psyche protecting you while you gather the information and resources you need to make a massive life change.
The question isn't "Why can't I decide?" The question is: "Am I avoiding the decision, or am I preparing so I'm covered no matter what decision I make?"
There's a big difference.
The Difference Between Avoiding and Preparing
Avoiding the decision looks like numbing yourself with distractions—hello doom scrolling, binge-watching, overworking, or any other way you check out instead of checking in. It looks like pretending everything is fine when it's not. It looks like hoping the problem will magically resolve itself without you having to do anything uncomfortable. It looks like procrastinating on gathering even basic information because if you don't look at it, it's not real.
Preparing for the decision looks completely different. It looks like naming what you're actually feeling instead of pushing it down. It looks like starting to gather financial information even though it scares you. It looks like quietly sourcing attorney names without telling anyone. It looks like educating yourself about the divorce process "just in case." It looks like building emotional support—whether that's a therapist, a coach, or a trusted friend. It looks like talking to a professional who can help you think through your options.
If you did any of that in January—that matters. That's not "still being stuck." That's progress.
What to Do When You're Still Unsure
You don't need to force a decision today. But you do need to keep moving forward, even slowly.
Here's what that looks like in practice: this week, pick one thing. Just one.
Pull your bank statements and actually look at them. I know it's scary. I know you might not want to see the numbers. But knowledge is power, and you can't make an informed decision without information.
Start researching divorce attorneys. This doesn't mean you're filing. It means you're gathering information. You're learning what your options are. You're understanding what the process would look like if you decide to move forward.
Talk to one trusted person about what you're really feeling. Not what you think you should feel. Not the sanitized version. The real, messy, complicated truth about what's happening in your marriage.
Read one article about the divorce process. My blog is packed with them. Learn about how divorce actually works in your state. Understand the timeline, the costs, the steps involved.
Journal about what staying versus leaving actually means for your life. Not in the abstract. Specifically. Where do you see yourself in five weeks if you stay? Five months? Five years? Where do you see yourself in five weeks if you leave? Five months? Five years?
Just pick one thing. That's enough.
You're Not Late—You're Exactly Where You Need to Be
Some people decide in a week. Some take two years. Both are okay.
There's no deadline. There's no schedule. There's no right timeline.
The only mistake is staying paralyzed by fear instead of taking small steps that get you closer to a decision—whatever that decision turns out to be.
And here's something else: preparation doesn't commit you to anything. Gathering information doesn't mean you have to use it. Learning about divorce doesn't mean you're getting divorced. Building your support system doesn't mean you're leaving.
It means you're taking care of yourself. It means you're being responsible. It means you're making sure that when you do make a decision—whether that's to stay and work on the marriage or to leave—you're making it from a place of clarity, not panic.
A Framework for When You're Stuck
If January brought more questions than answers, you're not alone. A lot of my clients come to me in exactly this place—knowing something needs to change but not sure what that change looks like.
Because clarity doesn't come from forcing yourself to decide before you're ready. Clarity comes from doing the work of understanding what you actually want, what you're actually afraid of, and what your options actually are.
What Small Steps Look Like in Real Life
I had a client who purchased my digital divorce prep tools two years ago. Two years. She downloaded the worksheets, she started gathering information, but she wasn't ready to make a decision yet.
Two months ago, she finally booked a free strategy call with me. And now? She's working with me as an eight-week coaching client, actively preparing for her divorce.
Did she waste two years? Absolutely not.
During those two years, she wasn't doing nothing. She was sitting with her reality. She was processing what divorce would mean. She was getting her financial house in order. She was building her emotional resilience. She was making sure that when she finally decided, she was ready.
And when she showed up on that strategy call, she was clear. She knew what she needed. She knew what her priorities were. She had done enough of the internal work that she could focus on the practical steps.
Those two years weren't wasted. They were essential.
This is what I want you to understand: there's no right timeline. Your timeline is your timeline. And taking two years to decide doesn't mean you were stuck—it means you were getting ready.
The Permission You're Looking For
If you're reading this and you're still unsure, I want to give you permission for something: You don't have to decide today.
You don't have to know for certain. You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to match anyone else's timeline.
But you do have to keep taking small steps forward. Even tiny ones. Even ones that feel insignificant.
Because movement—even slow movement—is progress. And progress is what eventually gets you to clarity.
What's Your Next Step?
If you've got more questions than answers, book a free 15-minute call with me. We'll talk through where you are, what you're feeling, and what next steps make sense for your specific situation. No pressure. No judgment. Just clarity.
And remember: you're not late. You're not behind. You're not failing.
You're preparing. And that matters more than you know.
Ready to Explore Your Options?
Sign up for my free 4-email divorce prep series. I'll walk you through exactly what to do emotionally, financially, administratively, and practically—so you can move forward with confidence and clarity.
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Book a free 15-minute consultation with me to talk through where you are and what your next steps should be.
