What Is Collaborative Divorce? A Peaceful Approach to Separation | A Complete Guide

This 20 minute conversation is a great place to start your collaborative divorce education.

When a divorce enters your life, the path forward can seem overwhelmingly steep. Images of courtroom battles, endless legal fees, and emotional devastation often flood our minds. But what if there was another way? A path that prioritizes dignity, communication, and solutions that work for everyone involved?

I recently sat down with family law attorney Renée Turner to discuss collaborative divorce – an approach that's changing how many couples navigate the dissolution of their marriage. If you're standing at the beginning of your divorce journey, wondering which route to take, this conversation might just be the compass you need.

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What Exactly Is Collaborative Divorce?

At its core, collaborative divorce represents a fundamental shift in how we approach the end of a marriage. Rather than positioning spouses as adversaries in a winner-takes-all court battle, collaborative divorce brings them together as problem-solvers.

As Renée explained during our conversation, "In a collaborative divorce, both spouses must agree from the onset to resolve the divorce amicably and privately." This approach differs significantly from the traditional litigated process, which is "adversarial from the start" with formal filing of summons and complaints that must be formally served – sometimes even by the sheriff's office. As Renée quipped, "Nothing's going to kick off a divorce negotiation like the Sheriff's Office delivering something!"

The Collaborative Divorce Team

One of the most powerful aspects of collaborative divorce is the team approach. As Renée described, both spouses typically hire attorneys who specialize in facilitating collaborative divorce. These attorneys guide each spouse through the legal aspects while ensuring they're "protecting their clients' rights and making sure that there's not a winner or a loser but that they're collaborating."

Beyond the attorneys, other professionals might join the team when needed:

• A neutral certified financial planner or divorce financial analyst for complex financial issues

• A child psychologist or family therapist when there are minor children involved, who helps "create a parenting plan that would prioritize the children's best interest"

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This approach ensures that every aspect of your divorce – legal, financial, and emotional – is handled by specialists working together toward the common goal of an amicable resolution.

The Collaborative Law Participation Agreement: A Key Difference

A unique element of collaborative divorce is what Renée calls the "collaborative law participation agreement." This document, signed by both spouses and all professionals involved, commits everyone to settle issues without litigation.

Here's the crucial part: if either spouse decides the process isn't working and initiates court proceedings, "the attorneys and the other professionals typically have to withdraw and then the spouses need to hire new attorneys for litigation."

As I mentioned to Renée, this creates a powerful incentive to make the collaborative process work. It's "kind of like a game of chicken a little bit...we're stay the course, nobody's jumping off track," creating accountability and ensuring everyone remains committed to finding solutions.

The Benefits of Choosing Collaborative Divorce

1. You Maintain Control Over the Outcome

In a litigated divorce, a judge – someone who doesn't know your family personally – ultimately makes decisions about your future. With collaborative divorce, you and your spouse retain decision-making power.

As Renée emphasized, through the collaborative process, you can create "creative and customized solutions." For example, "if one spouse owns a business, the couple might agree on a buyout plan...or decide to continue to co-own the business but have boundaries around its operation." The possibilities are far more flexible than what a court might order.

2. Your Private Matters Stay Private

Court proceedings become public record, potentially exposing personal and financial details you'd prefer to keep confidential. Renée stressed this point: "Do you really want your financial business, information about your business in the public record? Probably not. But if you go through the collaborative process, then it can remain private."

In a collaborative divorce, meetings happen in private offices, not courtrooms, providing significantly more privacy for sensitive family matters.

3. The Emotional Impact Is Reduced

Divorce is emotionally challenging no matter which approach you take. But collaborative divorce is designed to minimize unnecessary conflict and emotional trauma.

This is especially important when children are involved. As Renée explained, the collaborative process "reduces the stress for children" by avoiding situations where they might need court-appointed attorneys or be "asked to testify" about their parents.

4. It Can Be More Cost-Effective

While collaborative divorce isn't inexpensive, it can be more cost-effective than a traditional courtroom battle. As I pointed out in our conversation, as of 2024, "the average cost of a problem-free litigation, and let's be honest, I've never heard of one, was like close to $20,000." That's money "that you could be taking with you on into your new life" instead of spending on a lengthy court process.

Is Collaborative Divorce Right for You?

While the benefits are significant, collaborative divorce isn't suitable for every situation. According to Renée, collaborative divorce works best when:

• There's "a willingness to collaborate and cooperate with each other"

• Both spouses are "open and willing to communicate openly and honestly"

• There's "a commitment to avoid litigation"

• Both spouses "still have to respect each other and work in a civil way even if they're no longer in love"

• There's "a desire for privacy"

• You're "open to being flexible and creative solutions"

Renée also noted that "the collaborative and uncontested process are not appropriate if there's domestic violence or other forms of abuse. If one spouse feels unsafe or is being manipulated, then a traditional contested divorce process might be more appropriate."

The Impact on Co-Parenting

One of the most significant benefits of collaborative divorce is how it can positively influence your co-parenting relationship going forward.

Renée explained that because the focus is on "working together to reach a resolution" from the start, "there's an ongoing feeling with parents that they can communicate with their co-parent and reach resolutions in a friendly manner as opposed to always being hostile."

This approach allows parents to "customize" their parenting plans to "fit their family situation" rather than having a judge decide what's best for your children. As Renée emphasized, "You don't want a judge to decide that for you and for your children" because "at the end of the day it may not work and then you're just going to end up back in court."

Getting Started with Collaborative Divorce

If you're interested in pursuing collaborative divorce, Renée recommends starting by "talking to an attorney who specializes in collaborative divorce."

She emphasized the importance of finding an attorney who focuses on "client education" and can "explain the process, answer any of your questions, and assess whether collaborative divorce is a good fit for you and your spouse under your circumstances."

After that initial conversation, take time to "assess whether you think that you and your spouse can collaborate effectively" by considering questions like: "Are you able to have open and honest communication, keep everything confidential, and commit to resolving the issues without going through litigation?"

The Court's Role

It's important to understand that even in a collaborative divorce, the court still plays a role. As Renée clarified, "In order to be divorced, a judge has to issue a judgment of divorce." The difference is that "you go through the process of resolving all the divorce-related issues outside of court, but ultimately your attorneys are going to file the court documents and the judge is going to have to review it." The judge must "confirm that it's fair and in accordance with the law" before signing the judgment that officially ends your marriage.

Final Thoughts

Collaborative divorce offers a more dignified, private, and often less expensive path to ending a marriage. It puts you in control of the outcome while providing expert guidance from professionals trained to help you navigate this challenging transition.

As Renée wisely noted at the end of our conversation, "Litigation should be the last resort." You always have it "in your back pocket," but "it doesn't always have to start with going to court first."

Divorce is hard, no matter how you approach it. But with the right process and support, it can be the beginning of a healthier, more peaceful next chapter for everyone involved.

This blog post is based on a conversation between Alex Beattie, divorce prep coach, and Renée Turner, family law attorney specializing in collaborative divorce.

If you're interested in learning more about collaborative divorce or other divorce options, The Divorce Planner offers resources and support for navigating all aspects of the divorce process. Book a free consultation to discuss your specific situation and explore the path that's right for you.