Let's be honest: choosing a divorce attorney is one of the most important decisions you'll make during this process. And it's also one of the most intimidating.

You're supposed to interview them like you're hiring for a job, but you're doing it while you're stressed, overwhelmed, and probably have no idea what you're even looking for. I get it. I've been there. So let me walk you through exactly how to choose an attorney who's the right fit—not just for your case, but for you.

What Most People Get Wrong About Choosing an Attorney

Here's what I see all the time: people choose an attorney based on who sounds the toughest, who promises to "make them pay," or who tells them everything they want to hear.

And that's exactly how you end up spending $50,000 fighting over $10,000 worth of stuff.

Family law attorney Dennis Vetrano Jr.—who's been practicing for 25 years and handles 60 to 100 divorce consultations every month—put it perfectly when we talked about this:

"If someone comes in and says 'I really want to stick it to the other side,' that is not us. If that's what you want to do, you're better off with another law firm. Because what we're seeking to accomplish for you is a fair, efficient, effective result—not trying to gouge a pound of flesh out of the other side."

Your attorney is an extension of the tone you set. And whatever tone you set dictates how much you'll spend.

So before we even get to the questions you should ask, let's talk about how to prepare for these consultations.

RELATED: The Real Cost of Divorce in 2025: What to Expect & How to Save Money

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Once you have gathered recommendations, take the time to research each attorney’s background, focusing on their expertise in family law and their approach to handling cases like yours. Visit their websites, read through their publications if available, and consider their participation in family law advocacy groups or community organizations; these aspects can offer a glimpse into their personality and philosophy.

Preparing a list of questions that matter to you, reflecting not just on the legal outcomes you seek but also on the emotional support and understanding you require during this time. This step is an empowering act that places you in the driver’s seat, ensuring that when you choose your legal representative, you do so with confidence and a clear vision for the future you are striving to build.

Finding the Right Divorce Attorney: Your Step-by-Step Guide

Facing divorce is challenging enough without the added stress of choosing the wrong legal representation. This comprehensive guide will walk you through selecting a divorce attorney who can effectively advocate for your interests while providing the support you need during this transition.

Start With Trusted Recommendations

While online searches are helpful, your journey to finding the right divorce attorney should begin with personal recommendations.

Consider:

• Reaching out to friends or family members who've been through divorce

• Consulting trusted colleagues who can speak to their experiences

• Connecting with local support groups for divorced individuals

• Seeking referrals from other legal professionals you trust

  
  

Research Their Expertise

Before scheduling consultations, thoroughly evaluate potential attorneys:

• Review their professional website and credentials

• Check their standing with your state's bar association

• Read client testimonials and reviews

• Look for publications or speaking engagements in family law

• Verify their involvement in professional organizations

  
  

8 Critical Questions to Ask During Your Consultation

1. What percentage of your practice focuses on family law and divorce?

Look for an attorney who dedicates at least 50% of their practice to family law. This ensures they're well-versed in current divorce laws and procedures.

2. What is your hourly rate?

Understanding costs upfront helps you plan financially. Ask about:

• Billing increments

• Payment plans

• Additional fees for paralegals or support staff

  
  

3. Do you require a retainer fee?

Learn about:

• Initial retainer amount

• How it's applied to your bills

• When additional payments might be needed

  
  

4. How do you handle high-conflict situations between spouses?

Their approach to conflict resolution can significantly impact your case's outcome and cost.

5. What is your experience with parenting plans?

For parents, this is crucial. Ask about:

• Their approach to custody arrangements

• Experience with complex scheduling

• Methods for resolving parenting disputes

  
  

6. What are the divorce laws in our state?

Understanding whether you're in a "no fault" state and other local laws affects your strategy.

7. What's your typical timeline for divorce cases?

Get insights on:

• Average case duration

• Factors that might extend the timeline

• Steps to expedite the process

  
  

8. What resources do you provide to clients?

Look for attorneys who offer:

• Educational materials

• Referrals to financial advisors

• Access to counseling resources

• Online document portals

  
  

Making Your Final Decision

Choose an attorney who:

• Communicates clearly and promptly

• Makes you feel comfortable and heard

• Has relevant experience with cases like yours

• Offers transparent pricing and processes

Demonstrates genuine interest in your situation

Taking time to carefully select your divorce attorney is a crucial investment in your future. Use these questions as your guide to finding a legal partner who can effectively advocate for your interests while providing the support you need during this significant life transition.

Those questions are just the tip of the iceberg!

Download The Divorce Planner's freebie, 24 Questions To Ask A Divorce Attorney Or Mediator. The digital guide with walk you through what to ask, help you organize your notes, keep track of who said what, and keep you on top of everything with ease!

Being prepared in advance of your meeting will put you in the best position to get the answers you need. Don't forget to take notes, too!

Ready to start preparing? Sign up for my free 4-email divorce prep series. I'll walk you through exactly what to do emotionally, financially, administratively, and practically—so you can move forward with confidence and clarity. 

Updated: Nov 2024

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Please consult with a qualified attorney for advice specific to your situation.