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The Real Cost of Divorce in 2025: What to Expect & How to Save Money
- Alex Beattie
- Nov 10
- 7 min read
Let's talk about the elephant in the room. What does divorce actually cost?
It's the question I get asked more than any other. And honestly, it's the one that makes people the most anxious. So I sat down with family law attorney Dennis Vetrano Jr.—who's been practicing for 25 years and handles 60 to 100 divorce consultations every single month—to get the real answer.
And when I say real, I mean it. Dennis doesn't sugarcoat anything. Which is exactly why I love talking to him. His answer? $20,000.
Yes, you read that right. The average contested divorce in the United States costs around $20,000 per person when all is said and done. And here's what really got me—that's not the high end. That's average.
Watch our full conversation in the video above, and keep reading for my key takeaways, the questions you should be asking yourself right now, and the resources that will help you prepare.
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What You Need To Know About the Real Numbers
When Dennis said $20,000, I'll be honest—even though I work in this space every day, it still made me pause. Because that number includes attorney fees (which average around $16,800 to $17,000 nationally) plus all the additional costs people don't think about—appraisals, filing fees, copying fees, process service.
And that's for a contested divorce, which doesn't mean you're fighting over everything. It just means you're not in agreement on all the issues yet. Child support, spousal support, custody, asset division—if you haven't agreed on these things, your divorce is considered contested.
But here's what Dennis made crystal clear in our conversation: if your case drags on because of discovery battles, if someone's hiding assets, if there's a business involved, if custody gets contentious—that $20,000 climbs fast.
The Hidden Costs That Blindside People
One of the most eye-opening parts of our conversation was when Dennis broke down the expenses beyond attorney fees. These are the things that catch people completely off guard.
Business valuations can run into the tens of thousands, especially if the business generates income. Property appraisals for your home, rental properties, vehicles—they all add up. But the one that really shocked me? Forensic custody evaluations.
Dennis told me about a recent case where the forensic evaluation alone cost $25,000 to $30,000. And that's just ONE piece of a contested custody dispute. When you add in business appraisals, equipment valuations, and everything else, you can see how quickly costs spiral.
This is exactly why I'm so passionate about preparation. The more you know going in, the more control you have over these costs.
The biggest money drain in divorce is lack of preparation.
Where Most People Waste Money (And How to Stop)
After 25 years of practice, he says one of his firm's biggest struggles is getting information from clients. People ask "Why do they need this?" or drag their feet on gathering documents, and meanwhile, the meter's running.
Here's what he told me: "Whatever your lawyer asks for, they need it. Otherwise, they wouldn't be asking you for it."
So if your attorney asks for bank statements, tax returns, retirement account info—just get it to them. Don't make them chase you. Every email they send following up? That's billable time.
This is also why I created my document gathering checklist and net worth statement template. The work you do before you ever meet with an attorney saves you hundreds—maybe thousands—in billable hours.
The Part About Emotions That Nobody Talks About
This might have been my favorite part of our entire conversation. When I asked Dennis about the biggest money mistake he sees, I expected him to say something about finances. Instead, he said: "Not getting a handle on the emotions first."
He shared a story about a recent consultation where someone came in and said, "I really want to stick it to the other side."
Because here's the reality—when you go into divorce seeking revenge, you can't make meaningful decisions. Your view is too clouded. And that's when cases get really, really expensive. You're not negotiating in good faith. You're spending tens of thousands of dollars on your anger.
I see this all the time with clients. They want to punish their ex. And I get it—I really do. You're hurt. You feel betrayed. But using the legal system to get revenge is the most expensive therapy you'll ever have.
This is exactly why my coaching focuses on separating the emotional side of divorce from the business side. You have to address both, but you can't let one hijack the other.
Why Financial Preparation Actually Reduces Anxiety
You don't know where all the assets are. You don't know what you can expect for support. You don't know how custody will shake out. You don't know if you can afford your life after divorce.
And that unknown? It keeps you up at night.
But here's what Dennis said that really resonated: "As many times as you can check off a box where something goes from an unknown to something you have some idea about—that's how you bring your anxiety down."
This is literally the foundation of everything I teach. When you know the numbers, you can make a plan. When you have a plan, you're in control. And when you're in control, the anxiety decreases.
Even if the numbers aren't great—even if you look at your net worth statement and realize you're starting from negative—at least you know. And knowing means you can do something about it.
Your tax returns are your treasure map here. Even if you've never handled the finances in your marriage, your tax returns show you where accounts are, what income sources exist, what the marital standard of living has been. Get the last five years if you can.
If You Don't Have A Pre-Nup, You Kinda Do
"The most important thing you can have in a relationship, especially from day one, is transparency. Confidence, trust, love—a lot of those things draw from that transparency. The prenup is the pinnacle of transparency."
If you don't have a prenup, the laws in your state ARE your prenup. We all sign that $110 marriage certificate—a legally binding contract—without reading the fine print. A prenup gives you the chance to actually decide what happens to your assets, your income, your future.
And if you're a stay-at-home parent or thinking about stepping back from your career? A prenup (or post-nup) should address your lost earning potential, retirement savings sacrifices, and how marital income will be treated. Because "their income" needs to be seen as "our income" if you're sacrificing your career for the family.
Dennis put it perfectly: "If you're a stay-at-home parent and you're sacrificing your career, your financial future, your ability to be self-supporting financially—you need to know that the income, their income as they see it, is seen as 'ours' and not 'theirs.'"
I work with a lot of clients from Texas, Missouri, Indiana, and Florida—states that are notoriously tough on divorcing stay-at-home moms. If that's you, preparation isn't optional. It's critical.
My Biggest Takeaway from This Conversation
If there's one thing I want you to walk away with, it's this: preparation is your best investment.
Yes, divorce is expensive. The average contested divorce costs $20,000 per person, and that's before you factor in extra's like forensic evaluations, business valuations, and complex property issues -- to name a few.
But you're not powerless.
The more prepared you are—financially, emotionally, and administratively—before you start this process, the more control you'll have over costs and outcomes. And that preparation doesn't just save you money. It saves your sanity.
Dennis sees it all the time -- the clients who come in prepared, who have their documents organized, who've done the emotional work to separate their hurt from their negotiation strategy—those are the people who get better outcomes and spend less getting there.
What You Can Do Right Now
If you're reading this and thinking about divorce, or if you're already in the process, here's where to start:
Get your financial documents together. Bank statements, credit card statements, tax returns from the last five years, retirement account statements. Everything. Use my What to Gather checklist if you need a roadmap.
Fill out a net worth statement. Even if the numbers scare you, you need to know where you're starting from. My Monthly Budget Calculator walks you through this step by step.
Take care of your emotional side. Therapy, coaching, journaling, exercise, time with friends—whatever helps you process what you're going through. Because you can't make smart business decisions if you're emotionally flooded.
Choose your attorney carefully. You're interviewing them as much as they're evaluating you. If they're telling you everything you want to hear or promising to "make them pay," that's a red flag.
About Me
I'm divorce prep coach Alex Beattie. I help clients enter the divorce process informed, prepared, and in control of their financial future.
If you want personalized guidance through this process, let's talk! Book a free 15-minute consultation to see if divorce prep coaching is right for you.
About Dennis Vetrano Jr.
Dennis Vetrano Jr. is a family law attorney with 25 years of experience. His firm handles 60-100 divorce consultations per month and is known for its no-nonsense, efficient approach to divorce representation. Dennis also hosts a podcast on family law topics and shares straightforward divorce advice on social media.