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The Complete 90-Day Divorce Preparation Blueprint: What to Do Before Filing

  • Writer: Alex Beattie
    Alex Beattie
  • 18 hours ago
  • 9 min read

Updated: 14 hours ago

The decisions you make in the next 90 days will affect everything that comes after. Here's the exact roadmap.

three months on a calendar

Most people file for divorce without doing any of the preparation that would have saved them thousands of dollars and months of unnecessary stress.


Not because they didn't have time. Because nobody told them what to do first.


The 90 days before you file are the most important window in the entire divorce process. This is work to do before you book attorney consultations, and sometimes even before telling your spouse.


What you do, and don't do, in this window determines how prepared you are when it counts most: during negotiations, in mediation, or in front of a judge.


The preparation and decisions you make in the next 90 days will affect everything that comes after. Here's exactly where to start.


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Days 1-30: Get Your Documents, Statements & Assets Completely Organized


If you're just starting to think about divorce, one thing you need in order to move forward with financial clarity is a thorough understanding of your financial realities, including your assets, debts, expenses and income.


Bank statements. Tax returns. Retirement account statements. Investment accounts. Property records. Business documents. Mortgage statements. Insurance policies. All of it.


Yes, all of it. This is probably the most important thing you can do, and it's also the most tedious.


Once you announce divorce, access to shared accounts and documents can become complicated, restricted, or disappear entirely.


What to Gather in the First 30 Days:


Pull your credit report at AnnualCreditReport.com - It shows every account in your name, including joint accounts you may not know about. This is often where hidden accounts surface. It's free, takes 10 minutes, and it's one of the most important documents you'll pull.


Gather the last three years of tax returns - They reveal income sources, business interests, deductions, and side income that tell the complete financial story. If your spouse is self-employed, these are gold.


Copy bank and investment statements going back 12 months - You're looking for patterns, unusual transfers, and asset movement. Take screenshots or photos, don't just rely on remembering what you saw.


Document every asset and its estimated value:

  • Real estate (get a ballpark property value from Zillow, Redfin, or comparable sales)

  • Vehicles (Kelly Blue Book for current value)

  • Retirement accounts (401k, IRA, pension statements)

  • Investment accounts (brokerage, mutual funds)

  • Business interests (if applicable)

  • Valuable items (jewelry, art, collectibles, electronics)


Here's what I've learned: the clients who do this work early almost always uncover something important they had no idea about. A hidden account. A business asset. Money being moved. Debt they didn't know existed.


The ones who skip this step? They wish they'd been more thorough once negotiations begin. By then, it's too late to gather what should have been easy to access.


If you don't have access to everything...


I understand how intimidating it can feel to start from a place of no access. I've worked with countless clients who've been in this exact position, one spouse controlling every inch of the finances and leaving the other person feeling lost and afraid


One client shared with me after we worked through this together: "He controlled everything financially. Doing this work helped me understand my own financial situation and gain the confidence I needed. It took so much of the fear away."


PRO TIP! Start with what you can easily access and work outward from there. Your attorney or a forensic accountant can help you legally obtain documents you can't get on your own.


The Tool That Makes This Easier


These worksheets, spreadsheets and logs walk you through exactly what to get and how to list them.
These worksheets, spreadsheets and logs walk you through exactly what to get and how to list them.

The Get Organized 2-Pack ($37) walks you through every document category so nothing falls through the cracks.


It includes:

  • What to Gather Worksheet — complete checklist of financial documents

  • List Your Assets Log — organize every asset, estimated value, and ownership type


→ Get Organized 2-Pack ($37 - Instant Download)


Days 30-60: Financial Planning - Figure Out Your Marital Standard Of Living and Map Your Post-Divorce Budget


Now that you have your administrative foundation, it's time to understand what you actually need to live on. This is one of the biggest questions I get from clients: "What should I ask for?"


Here's the honest answer: you can't know what to ask for until you know what you actually need.


Step 1: Your Marital Standard Of Living


Your marital standard of living is the baseline for everything that comes next in your divorce. It's the actual cost of your life as a married couple: housing, utilities, food, childcare, healthcare, transportation, entertainment, savings, debt payments. Understanding how much you have coming and going out every month is the first step at assessing what you'll need after divorce.


This number matters because it becomes the foundation for negotiations around spousal support, asset division, and settlement terms. Judges and mediators use it, your attorney will reference it, and you need to know it before anyone asks.


Most people have no idea what their household actually costs to run. They have a vague sense, but not a real number. Getting precise here is one of the most powerful things you can do before you file.



Step 2: Build Your Post-Divorce Budget


The reason you need to figure this out early is simple: without understanding what you have and what it's worth, you can't fully understand your true financial picture.


And without that clarity, you can't negotiate from a place of confidence.


What will your life actually cost on one income?

  • Housing (rent or mortgage)

  • Property taxes and insurance (if applicable)

  • Utilities and maintenance

  • Childcare and school expenses

  • Healthcare and insurance

  • Transportation and vehicle costs

  • Food and household expenses

  • Debt payments

  • Savings and retirement contributions


Most people are off by hundreds or thousands of dollars or they negotiate for less than they actually need because they never did the math.


What I See Happen Here More Often Than Not


I had a client who came to me absolutely certain she was keeping the family home. It wasn't even a question in her mind, it was the only outcome she could imagine.


But as we worked through her financial picture together, the numbers told a different story.


The mortgage, taxes, insurance, and maintenance on one income would have been a massive drain. And when we dug into why she wanted it so badly, it wasn't really about the house. It was about staying rooted in a place that had been home for years. The stability it represented. If she was honest, the status that came with it.


Once she saw the actual numbers, everything shifted. She realized she could create that same stability and home feeling in a different place, one she could actually afford. That realization came from knowing her numbers.


My clients tell me that creating their budget is simultaneously the most terrifying and most empowering thing they do during divorce prep.


Terrifying because they finally see the real numbers. The actual cost of their lives.

Empowering because they stop guessing and start knowing. And when you know your numbers, everything changes. The 3am doom spiraling stops. The anxiety quiets. You can actually think clearly instead of catastrophizing.


Knowing this number before you negotiate is the difference between asking for what you think is fair and asking for what you actually need.


The Tool That Makes This Easier


Your MSOL and post divorce budget tool.
Your MSOL and post divorce budget tool.

The Budget Calculator ($37) is CDFA-approved and walks you through exactly how to map your current expenses against your post-divorce reality.


It accounts for changes you might not think about (healthcare alone often increases 20-30% after divorce) and helps you determine what you need to ask for in settlement negotiations.


→ Get the Budget Calculator (Instant Download)


Days 60-90: Get Your Legal and Strategic Foundation in Place


The final 30 days before you file are about getting expert guidance and understanding your options.


Research Your Divorce Options


You have three main paths: litigation, mediation, or collaborative divorce.


Each has different costs, timelines, and outcomes. Litigation is adversarial and public.

Mediation is collaborative but requires both parties to cooperate. Collaborative divorce combines negotiation with structured professional support.


Which approach fits your situation depends on:

  • Your level of conflict

  • The complexity of your finances

  • Whether you have kids

  • Your timeline

  • Your budget



Research Attorneys in Your Area


Have at least two consultations before you decide who to hire. Look for:


  • Experience in your type of case (high-conflict, business interests, custody disputes, etc.)

  • Clear fee structure and billing practices

  • Communication style that matches how you want to work

  • Realistic assessment of your situation (not just telling you what you want to hear)


Free Resource: 24 Questions to Ask a Divorce Attorney Before You Hire Them. Use these questions in your consultations to assess fit and expertise.



Understand Your State's Laws


Family law varies dramatically by state. You need to understand:


  • Property division: Is your state a community property state (50/50 split) or equitable distribution (fair, not necessarily equal)?

  • Spousal support: How is alimony calculated? How long does it last?

  • Custody: If you have children, what custody arrangements does your state prefer? How does it calculate child support?

  • Separation and residency requirements: How long must you be separated before filing? What are the residency requirements?


Bring in a CDFA if You Need One


If your situation involves:


  • Complex assets or business interests

  • Retirement accounts and pensions

  • Significant income disparity

  • One spouse earning much less (or being a stay-at-home parent)

  • Substantial investments or real estate


Then a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst should be part of your preparation team.


The sooner you get an accurate assessment of your assets and what they're worth, the better position you'll be in when discussing your finances with attorneys, mediators, CPAs, and financial planners.


A CDFA ensures nothing gets missed and you understand the long-term financial impact of every decision.



Working With a CDFA During Divorce Prep Changes The Game



  • 1:1 divorce prep coaching with strategic preparation guidance


  • Comprehensive financial analysis from Certified Divorce Financial Analysts Josephti Cruz and Kathryn Holland (Cover Your Assets Divorce)


  • Complete organization system for documents, assets, and financial clarity


Here's the thing, we're so scared of looking at the actual numbers of our lives that it causes paralysis. I've had clients tell me they sat in the parking lot for ten minutes before walking in to start this work.


That's totally normal. This is a big step that can crystallize the entire experience.


But once you move through it? Everything changes. You're no longer operating from fear. You're operating from knowledge. And that changes everything.



The Complete 90-Day Timeline at a Glance


Days 1-30: Document & Asset Organization

  • Gather documents

  • Pull credit report

  • Organize assets

  • Open separate account


Days 30-60: Establish Your MSOL & Post-Divorce Budget

  • Map post-divorce budget

  • Understand your expenses

  • Know what income you need


Days 60-90: Legal & Strategic Foundation

  • Research attorneys

  • Understand state laws

  • Consult with CDFA

  • Choose divorce approach


Why the 90-Day Window Matters


At the end of the 90 days you'll have:


  • Access to all financial documents before anyone restricts it

  • Time to think strategically instead of reactively

  • Clarity about what you have, what you need, and what to ask for

  • Professional guidance to make informed decisions

  • Agency to prepare rather than scramble


Skip this window and you're playing catch-up from day one. You'll miss documents. You'll underestimate what you need. You'll make reactive decisions instead of strategic ones. The three no-no's of divorce. All that, and you'll pay more in attorney fees because your attorney has to do the work you could have done yourself.


Use this time strategically and you walk in completely prepared. You separate the emotional side of divorce from the business side. You stop guessing and start knowing. And from that place of knowledge, everything becomes clearer.


Next Steps: Where to Start



What's Your Next Step?


Sign up for my free 4-email divorce prep series. I'll walk you through exactly what to do emotionally, financially, administratively, and practically—so you can move forward with confidence and clarity. → Sign up for my free 4-email divorce prep series


Not sure where to start with divorce prep? Book a free 15-minute consultation with me and we'll talk through where you are and what makes sense for your situation. → Book a free 15-minute consultation



Take control of your divorce from the jump.
Take control of your divorce from the jump.

Want the complete divorce preparation system? The Divorce Prep Bundle gives you everything: document checklists, the monthly budget calculator, asset logs, spreadsheets, and step-by-step guidance to walk into every conversation prepared. → Get the Divorce Prep Bundle ($67)


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