HBO’s WAR: A Divorce Coach’s Take on Mediation and Drama
Updated: 3 days ago
Mediation, money fear, and why divorce doesn’t have to be a war.
HBO's new series WAR premiered recently, and of course I had to watch. (If you haven't seen the first two episodes yet, there are spoilers below, so read at your own risk!)
The series is about a high-profile divorce between a movie star (Sienna Miller) and a tech billionaire (Dominic West), with rival top-tier London family law firms battling for each side and racking up those green billable hours.
From the first frame, you know you're watching a divorce story about the 1% of the 1%. Laws get weaponized, rules get bent (the honey trap is a big part of the pilot), and at the center are two people who clearly can't stand each other and have a lot of money.
The timeline breakdown of how they went from close to war was one of the best dialogue runs of the pilot. Work, travel, and lifestyles pulled them in different directions until they rarely occupied the same place at the same time. If you've ever felt a marriage drift apart without one big moment, that scene will land. The big fight? Whether her prenup will stand up, especially now that he's been photographed in bed with another woman (a setup by his wife).
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Episode two: Mediation as "just a box to check"
What caught my attention in episode two was the show's first stop: mandatory mediation. Mediation is the process I recommend most to my clients. It's a far more humane way to go through divorce, and it's much more cost- and time-efficient.
In the episode, both sides treated mediation as a box to check, showing up for the optics only. In the first session, the mediator met with the spouses alone, no attorneys. Both had been coached by their lawyers on what to say and how to behave, and the mediator saw right through it.
She tried to lay out what mediation is actually for: a chance to stop what will become a bleed of time and money if they go on to arbitration and then litigation. Her advice was to each think of a number they could live with, somewhere between the highest version of what they want and the lowest, so both walk away with a deal that feels "good." That's the whole purpose of mediation.
Meanwhile, behind the scenes, each team of attorneys kept pivoting as new information surfaced. In that same first session, the husband "accidentally" conceded that his business had grown substantially during the marriage and that their lifestyle was very different from before it (multiple estates, private jets, every possible luxury). That was considered a "win" for the wife's team. But the tide turned quickly once his legal team learned of the position she and her team were navigating privately because of the honey trap incident from the pilot.
What's underneath it all
There's an underlying anger and sadness that both spouses are carrying: pain over lost connection, anger over behavior, and fear about money. And no matter where you fall on the socioeconomic ladder, the fear about money never changes. Money equals feelings, and fear and anxiety about money can drive everything.
That's why one of the foundational pillars of my coaching practice is that divorce has an emotional side and a business side. You need to separate them, but you also need to address both at the same time, because you don't want feelings making business decisions for you. The couple in WAR is a dramatic example of what happens when the two get tangled.
The "Divorce as sport" story needs to go
I'll say the quiet part out loud: a calm, organized divorce where two people sit in mediation and land on an agreement that works for both of them makes terrible television. Nobody is greenlighting that show, and WAR isn't trying to be it. But I'm going to say something that may be bad for show business anyway. We need to let go of the idea that divorce has to be ugly.
That story is everywhere: movies, TV, tabloids, the group chat. Divorce means war. Somebody wins, somebody loses, and the more you spend and the harder you fight, the more it proves you care. And that narrative does real damage.
It scares people away from getting started. If the only divorce you've ever seen involves honey traps and scorched earth, of course you avoid even thinking about it. Avoiding it doesn't make you safer. It just means you start the process unprepared.
It pushes people toward war. If you believe your spouse is about to become your enemy, you hire for a fight and you negotiate like it's one. That's the positional bargaining I talk about in my post on the "Getting to Yes" framework, and it's how you end up paying for an outcome that neither of you feels good about.
It adds shame to an already hard time. When divorce is portrayed as a disaster someone caused, going through one starts to feel like a personal failure. People hide it, put off asking for help, and carry it alone.
It makes the peaceful path look naive. Choosing mediation or a collaborative approach gets treated as being soft, when it's often the most strategic move you can make.
Think about how we treat other hard life transitions. We don't make a sport out of watching someone lose their job or get sick. We understand those moments are painful, and the response is support, information, and practical help. Divorce is also painful, and it's also one of the most common transitions adults go through. It deserves the same.
So enjoy WAR for what it is: a dark, glossy guilty pleasure. Just don't mistake it for a forecast of what your divorce has to look like. It can be hard, emotional, and painful, and it still doesn't have to be a war.
What I'd take from it (without the private jets)
Your divorce probably doesn't involve rival London law firms or a honey trap. But a few things from that mediation scene apply no matter your tax bracket.
Show up to mediation ready to actually mediate. If you treat it as a formality, you waste the one stage of the process designed to keep you out of arbitration and litigation, where the real money and time disappear. Walking in prepared matters even more when you're paying a mediator by the hour. I wrote a step-by-step guide on how to prepare for divorce mediation if you want the checklist.
Know your number before you sit down. The mediator's advice in the episode is good advice in real life too: figure out what you want at the high end and what you could live with at the low end, so you can recognize a deal that feels good when it's in front of you. To get there, you need to know what your marriage actually costs and what your life will cost after. That's what I walk through in The Two Numbers You Need Before Divorce Negotiations.
Think before you speak. The husband's "accidental" concession became a win for the other side within minutes. Talk with your attorney ahead of time about what you'll share in mediation and what you won't, so you aren't improvising under pressure.
Don't let fear run the negotiation. Fear about money is real, and it's valid. It just shouldn't be the one making your decisions.
The jury is still out, but the pilot and second episode have Succession-level aspirational wealth and luxury voyeurism, which helps balance out the ugliness. It's a guilty pleasure, albeit a dark take on the process, on par with HBO's other eat-the-rich series, Industry. (Did I say fun about divorce? Strike that from the record!)
The series wants to seduce you into watching like a "Real Housewives" episode. But at it's core, this is divorce at its worst. Endless cash to pump into high-priced family law practices (they've got bills to pay, right?!) and lawyers guiding clients right up to the edge of ethics to get the outcome they want.
As someone who enjoyed the British series The Split, I'll keep tuning in, but I reserve the right to dip out if it gets too dark. In an already dark world, who needs more of that?
Episode 3: Kids & Divorce
Episode 3 of WAR is a masterclass in what not to do when kids are involved in a divorce.
SPOILERS AHEAD! Carla tells her teenage son Gabriel about the divorce without Morgan present (something they should have done together ) not because the timing was right, but because her legal strategy required it. Her team wants to blow up her prenup by exploiting Morgan's loving father/son relationship with Gabe, claiming it should be monetarily compensated during divorce (like child support). Meanwhile, after getting word of their plan, Morgan is coached by his attorneys to deliberately underplay his relationship with Gabe to the arbitrator, a relationship that has been the most stable thing in Gabriel’s life since he was a toddler.
Both parents, distracted by positioning and strategy, miss the moment their son needs them most. Gabe finds out his stepfather cheated and is devastated. He disappears for the night, partying his anger and sadness away one bad decision at a time.
Unbeknownst to anyone, Carla brings Gabe to the arbitration meeting (seats him in the lobby). A moment after Morgan's team plays their hand, Gabriel shows up and bangs on the glass wall where the meeting is taking place. Morgan immediately reacts as a caring father, undermining his team's position. This is a highly dramatized scene, but it has been played out in other ways thousands of times in every-day divorces.
Kids aren’t harmed by divorce. They are harmed by how adults behave during and after it. By being used as pawns in legal strategy. By watching the adults who are supposed to protect them prioritize winning over parenting.
WAR is fiction. But the behavior it portrays isn’t.
Parents so consumed by the process - the strategy, the positioning, the legal maneuvering - that they lose sight of what actually matters. And the kids, who have no control over any of it, absorb everything.
The best thing any divorcing parent can do is separate the legal process from their role as a parent. Divorce is between adults. Kids have no say in it happening, so putting them first throughout the process helps them navigate something that is upending life as they know it with intention, kindness and love.
Here's a link to read: Will Divorce Damage My Kids? Here's What the Research Actually Says — And What You Can Do About It.
About Me | ALEX BEATTIE
Divorce Preparation Coach & Author
Alex Beattie is the founder of The Divorce Planner, host of The Divorce Planner Podcast, and author of the upcoming The Divorce Planner: 8 Weeks to Get Organized, Find Clarity, and Become Your Own Best Advocate (Jossey-Bass/Wiley, 2027). Learn more here.
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